Eurovision is just dumb

I hate the Eurovision Song Contest.

I'm not saying I'm going to hate it forever because I ain't no damn fool. But I hate it right now.

Well, to be honest, seeing as it's been almost a week since The Vision my initial loathing has somewhat simmered down. But I'm still a bit angry at the Eurovision Song Contest.

So, OK. I don't hate hate it, but it was a little bit crap. For me. I'm sure the event itself was still great.

I went to Helsinki to cover Eurovision in a behind-the-scenes, what's-it-all-about-alfie? kind of way. I had this idea that I could hover in the green room and watched the semi-finals imagining what questions I would put to which Euro stars. But then I got there I realised that not only did I not get to go backstage but I didn't even get to go in front of the stage. My press pass essentially allowed me in to the press centre and got me free transport through the Finnish capital.

Oh. And I got a Eurovision laptop bag which included a Marija Serifovic notepad and paper door knob hanger.

For that I travelled across a continent and slept in airports on two consecutive nights on my days off.

And for that, I hate Eurovision. A little bit. For now.

I am going to Eurovision

I am going to Eurovision.

People, I am going to Eurovision.

But not just going to Eurovision, I'm going backstage at Eurovision.

I don't even know what to write. It's ridiculous.

Year after year I've sat huddled on various Sydney sofas, involuntarily repeating"Belgique, deux points", planning the Eurovision house party that would never come. I'd frantically turn off the end of news broadcasts so I wouldn't find out who won and one year - when I was working and had to listen to the news - I watched the whole affair carefully monitoring my body language trying not to give any indication to others as to who the winner would be.

And here I am. Going to Eurovision.

I'm there in a professional capacity thus the press pass. But the story I'm writing is actually so short my fee won't even cover my airfare. I leave London on Saturday morning, spend 23 hours in Helsinki and then fly out at 8am on Sunday. But I don't care. Because how many times do you get a press pass for Eurovision in your life? Really?

Last night for the first time in my life I got the opportunity to vote in Eurovision. I voted 4 times. I only meant to do it once, but it's a little bit like crack cocaine. Once for Israel's controversial 'Push the Button' ska-hip hop ode to Iran's nuclear programme and widely condemned position on Israel. Three times for Portugal because God knows they need it.

So, if you are watching for any reason on Sunday (and that reason should be because Eurovision is the greatest cultural event of the year) keep an eye out for a wild-eyed version of me buzzing around the glittered European D-listers. Still haven't decided what I'll be wearing yet, because what does one wear to Eurovision?